02 January 2003 - 3:39 pm
waking up as the sun goes down.

rested. it's nearing 4pm because last night someone decided it would be a good idea to stay up until the sun was rising. we pulled the curtains for the first time and slept until the light is almost diminishing.

had weird dreams last night, again. been dreaming a lot lately, and mostly about robie-andrews burning or shattering. last night was by far a stranger dream - and more linear - than ever. lots of bleeding fingers.

listening right now to jason mraz sing "the remedy" and muttering about the amount of sleep that we all got. matt spent the night and so did anthony. i think i fell asleep at some point, but the rest of them didn't .. i woke up and then went to sleep again. staring at the screen right now - and it's now been three days since i've been AIM-free. it's amazing, really. liberating and constraining in a lot of different ways.

thinking a lot about L O V E lately because i'm not sure if it genuinely exists, or if maybe i'm just in a L U S T spell, or something like that - something dry like that, a desert of emotion. something mildly neutral, but teetering on the edge of something-or-other. kaylen said that buildings are supposed to represent yourself in dreams, and if that's so, then why the hell are all of my buildings breaking down and burning and bleeding in these dreams when i feel the most content and positive than i have in quite some time?

well, yes, it's true that i'm more close-mouthed than i usually am, but there's the also obvious retreat that i've been thinking more about it and wrapping my brain around some of my more selective neuroses (i'm beginning to hate that word) and i really have nothing else to say today.

i just woke up about an hour ago feeling like an old hermit. i have a feeling something's going to break fairly soon. everyone's running around in their little stagnant puddles and i have yet to take a side. my dream last last night had Mark on the building, asking me to fly into the sky with him, and I said I didn't know how and he said "Okay, see ya in the next life - " and left. into the sky. (of course, this was after he shoved jeff goldblum off the edge of the roof. it was amazing, really.)

jason mraz. "halfway home" - "I used to think I could just sit and wait for the time / they won't come till I meet them halfway // I'm halfway home / and i'm on my own / I'm halfway there / and I don't care / I don't mind / I plan to leave here after suppertime / that's when traffic is light"

... and that's all for now.

gotta go wake up.

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