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14 January 2003 - 4:53 am
some bullshit at an early hour.
tigerish in the early dawn hours. i fell asleep before - surprise! - before tuesday had begun, and now i've woken up, four a.m. having some bizarre type of hold on me, a mumbled incantation or something even through sleep, to draw me awake. it doesn't even feel like insomnia, it feels rather like normal, as though getting up at this ungodly hour is routine. as though i were a fucking fireman -
which is, ironically, what my dream was about. i dreamt that i woke up in a bed in a firehouse and i was not myself. then i slid down the pole - up and down, defying gravity a few times over - and ended up in uniform, and everything. very odd. it was night, and i felt sort of disjunct, almost as though it were real, as though i was seeing-through the other person's eyes, as if that person were real. i wonder if i could find out.
at least the sun isn't rising yet. anyway, while i'm up and unable to get back to sleep, i figured i'd write something ... the dichotomy of things seems to be going well enough, i'm on good ground where i stand and tonight we're all going to see "chicago" due to my strenuous insistences. well, at the very least mark, rachel and i will go. i don't know about the rest, because i know plans are always subject to change. it's only four bucks at the nick, on tuesday nights, which i find wonderful. i love movies, i really do.
i need to stop biting my fingernails. casey tries to help but it's an awful addiction.
i might try going to the gym at least weekly. just to ... get some of this dormant energy out. i've been wanting to run, or to do something active for awhile now, but i never know how it'll manifest. if i go with someone, maybe it'll be easier. which it always is, i guess, but i'm so uncomfortable with the atmosphere of the place ... it kinda creeps me out, honestly. what the heck do you do in a gym? i'd walk in and go .. "uh .. wow. lotsa metal." at 9:30am on monday mornings, and possibly 11am on wedsnesdays, maybe the place will be slightly emptier than normal? that'd be nice. i think i could deal with that.
picking up my hebrew studying since i located the tape that i thought i left at home but found in my drawer ... "boker tov olam!" and mark listened to the random hebrew CD i bought for .99 at a salvation army store. the band is apparently named "avtipus" and one of the songs is named "boker tov olam" which means "good morning world" and currently one of the only phrases i've learned. it cracks me up that i can sing the chorus to a hebrew alternative rock song. rachel's going to learn it with me. maybe we can quiz one another.
called matt up last night, which i intend to do a bit more than i used to. i like talking to the guy, even when we're just shooting the shit and not really conversing about anything in particular - which is hard to do on the phone, since it's rather impersonal. but as long as i make an effort, you know? i'm thinking about a road-trip this summer, to los angeles, just to visit and hang out. but i have to decide if i'm staying on campus here and taking some core classes, and how i'm going to finance myself, what job i can take, and how much the trip will actually cost. which is a major concern.
but a road-trip has always been my ultimate dream. and if i could do that ... my god. imagine the rolls of film i'd have to bring. this is, of course, after i eventually get the camera i've been wanting. maybe i'll ask for it for my birthday. my parents love me. and it's inexpensive! ... well ...
all right. i've babbled on long enough. concluding for now, at a godawful hour with a curiously content mindset, and looking forward to some really awesome classes today ..
goodnight.