27 January 2003 - 3:14 pm
oh! big surprise. we return to melodrama.

oh! guess what.

i'm back in schizo-land again.

//

and i don't even know what caused it. but here i am, mouldering back in the surly and angry attitude. i have a feeling that i'm bipolar and possibly a threat to society.

i don't know if i'm going to go to that audition tonight. i don't even know if i'm going to end up at ACTF. there is a desperate sort of anger lurking inside and it's coiling out, lashing out at stupid fuckers like braden chapman "hur hur i'd just like to announce that lindsay the person on my lap is very special hur hur"

fucking idiot.

oh, not to mention the happy smiley rainbow class of acting iv today which was ALL fun and games with everyone's favourite Wil Kilroy. i have a feeling that i'm either going to explode or become a hermit. i can't deal with the outside world, it appears. oh no. i probably won't go to that thing tonight. you know why? because i don't want to do it alone. and i'm terrified of it. and i'm kind of angry that i am an afterthought.

because that's how i see myself that i am. because i end up being the one who "trails behind" or the one who's just "sort of there" or what the fuck ever. i do it to myself sometimes but other times it happens to me. so fuck it. fuck all of this.

i don't fucking understand why i bother.

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