16 February 2003 - 4:36 am
metempsychosis, or re-focusing. (the end?)
isn't really easy for me.
it is 430a. there really isn't any other way to say it, but i'm going to be discontinuing this daily chronicle. i'm going to be continuing a cycle of new thoughts & emotions are introibo.diaryland.com but this won't be indulging in melodramatic idiocy and other such things as gossip, public neuroses, and gripes with people who i see on a daily basis. in other words, it's a downscaled, less frilly page that just has the simple ambition of speaking to what i feel at that very moment. it may or may not mention those people who i happen to come in contact with from day to day, but i refuse to indulge into gossip.
so if you'd like, alter your bookmarks. i think this site is going to go dormant. possibly to a grave. it's been almost a year and a half.
plus it's time to admit something. well, it's not so much an admission as a conclusion, a pulling-together of the thread that's sort of always been an undercurrent through this journal.
i've decided that it's absolutely and utterly ridiculous to deny / combat that part of me which finds the male form (in certain incarnations) to be attractive. whereas i don't want to engage in sexual relations with a man, i think it's a good time to switch over to a more ... enlightened &/or open-minded boulevard for aesthetic appreciation. which is where i'm moving to. and hopefully this can be understood. whereas it might seem kind of ... dramatic of me to shift like that, this place just makes me think of the past, and the way i used to think.
i feel that if i start anew, i might have a better ... idea. it won't be updated as often, either. i plan on taking up writing letters to folk, or perhaps emails. so email me if you want to correspond, if you feel like it, or something. whatever. i like writing. but i worry that this journal is usurping a lot of other things that i could be writing.
it's time to re-focus. time to sort of break away from something that has ceased to help.
it's like closing the thick cover on a huge tome, for me. i can safely say that this ... journal ... has kept me alive, and going, for quite some time. and i've met some really fascinating people through here.
so basically it's a metempsychosis. the transference of soul or mind to a different location. or something.
that's all, i guess. thanks to you faithful readers. seriously. maybe you'll continue to read? i do hope so.
see you there.
[closes the door behind him. locks the empty room and lets the clock slowly still to a last tick. sun sets in reverse and the leaves melt back onto the treebranches]
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